BUNDST.COM | What? Who? | The Bundsterverse

2020-09-20

By Mike Lastname

#NATURE
Another palm tree has spontaneously combusted in Reseda. Smog has developed mild eldritch-like properties and seems to be concentrating itself in a tentacled mass above the Santa Suzana Pass area. Flash Flood warning has been issued for exactly one house in Lake View Terrace. We aren't sure as to whether this is just a glitch, but the Neighborhood Council has assured us that its computers do not make mistakes, and that further more, mistakes do not exist.

#SPORTS
A Newcomer to the montly Tarzana chicken-stacking competition has taken the title from 477-time champion Henry Egbert after a shocking turn of events. Egbert indeed stacked the most chickens, as always, but results from an independent laboratory indicated a mysterious dust with gyroscopic properties had been surreptitiously deposited onto the chickens. Egbery has released a statement: "I wanted to set an unbeatable record. one that no one could possibly touch. You wouldn't understand". The newcomer has been given a security team to protect him from potential violence as has been threatened from Egbert fan organizations and clubs.

#MUSIC
“Noise complaints” have become more frequent in the suburbs. Last week Police received six complaints that Noise was being made and/or listened to in areas with anti-noise ordinances in place.. Experts blame A surge among bored and restless youths in interest for music that is both abrasive and minimally necessary. On thursday, police raided a local music store in search of so-called “noise instruments”, devices that the Neighborhood Council has deemed “Designed with sufficient purpose to sound less like music and more like an ungovernable mass of electrified wasps”

#POLITICS
Local spokespeople have joined a general strike organized by the National Association of Spokespeople. Judy Wooferton, spokeswoman for the local 818 Spokespersons' Union, was unavailable for comment.

Mike Lastname is a journalist, blogger, podcaster and is also the anchor for DJ BUNDST RADIO. Check out the latest episode here:

Back to News Archives